hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just high enough for therapy.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
