is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
