He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
