I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
