Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
