Buhtt sex?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
