I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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