Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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