Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
