I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
