i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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