The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have fence marks all over my body
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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