3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
