I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
