You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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