My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
