Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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