We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
