I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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