they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
