I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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