My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
