my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
