Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
