Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
