He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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