I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
