I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
