One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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