I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
