That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize