He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
