just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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