Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
