you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
