i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
