if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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