WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
