i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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