Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm at about main and main street
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
