my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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