The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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