dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
