oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
