omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
