and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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