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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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