I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize