my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
