whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
