So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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