C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need moral support for this bender
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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