You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
