also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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