I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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