so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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