Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
