Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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