john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
