I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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