So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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