there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
