..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Randomize
