I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize