margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
