these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
