At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit dude........stairs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
