I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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