So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this just has baby written all over it
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
