do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
