No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
